So, I have a disclaimer to make before w get too far into today’s book excerpt: Generally speaking, the personal development books I read tend to focus on writing or creativity. It’s pretty rare that I pick one up outside of one of those topics.
Once Upon a Time Bitches, though, by Branden LaNette, caught my attention a soon as I read the title, and the summary finished the job of reeling me in. Both made me want to at least read an excerpt, which is why we’re here today.
And let me tell you, that excerpt didn’t disappoint. So, without further ado, I’ll let you get to it.
Excerpt
By saying adios to the man who’d refused to be a fifty-fifty partner in our relationship and support my goals and dreams as well as his own, I created what science calls a vacuum—not the Hoover-kind, of course, but the science-kind: a space, an emptiness, a void. (Who says you’ll never use the stuff you learned in school?)
Until I’d left, with my life as crazy as it was, engulphed in the plethora of problems I’d created for myself, there was no room for solutions. No room for help. No room for a prince.
I was like one of those motels you pass on the highway at night, with my neon vacancy light burning brightly like a beacon in darkness. I’d created a vacancy.
I’d made room for a Prince Charming to arrive and from my lips to God’s ear, that’s exactly what happened.
That said, I can guarantee you this: The chances of solutions showing up for any problem you might have in your life are greatly reduced if you don’t make room for them.
But if you do make room for them, you’ll find that my 11th grade science teacher was right: Nature really does abhor a vacuum.
It’s important to realize it’s not Prince Charming’s job to come and save you—it’s your job to be worthy of being saved. Someone who doesn’t even need to be saved.
Ironic, huh?
Becoming a person who doesn’t need saving—being someone capable of saving themselves—is what draws your prince into your life. And not just a prince, but the right prince.
Back to Cinderella.
If there ever was a strong-ass bitch who didn’t need saving, it was Cinderella. Yes, her circumstances sucked. And if it were me in that situation, I might have tossed that evil-ass stepmother in the f-ing fire (and the whiny-ass sisters, too). But she’s a better person than I am. Better than most of us.
Cinderella not only took their sh*t, she did it with grace and remained kind to others in spite of the daily cruelty being dished on her. Maybe that’s why she got saved, huh?
Because even though she clearly was a victim, she never acted like one. She kept her chiseled little chin held high. She didn’t beg to be saved. She was simply someone who was worthy of being saved.
About Once Upon a Time Bitches
Hi, I’m Branden. That is me on the cover. Yes, I have a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and the tattoos are not photoshopped. Once upon a time I realized we all have a story, we all have a struggle and happiness is relative.
I am not cynical or hardened, I am just stating the facts. Here’s the deal:
Prince Charming doesn’t exist.
Fairy Godmother is drunk.
Glass slippers don’t come 2 day prime shipping from Amazon.
There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close creating your version with a happy ending. The best part is, in life you can continue to make edits until that sh*t reads exactly how you want it to.
You may not agree with everything I say in this book but the most important takeaway is that YOU have to be your own f*cking hero. No more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t.
That ends now. Join me as I take you through my 7 Magical Maxims for creating a fairytale life. (I know what you are thinking: Branden, no one gets a fairytale life.) Can you stop being so damn cynical for two seconds and just go with this? Good. Here they are:
#1 Realize that no one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.
#2: Accept total responsibility for every damn aspect of your life.
#3: Stop comparing yourself to others and just f*cking be you.
#4: Dream dreams that are so big they make people doubt you.
#5: Your life is the sum of your choices.Choose well.
#6: Eliminate everything evil and negative from your kingdom.
#7: Love yourself so hard you have an abundance to share with others.
Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? I believe you can and that’s why I wrote this book. I am going to make you a little uncomfortable. Back out now if you aren’t ready.
Sh*t is about to get real bitches…
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About Branden LaNatte
Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.
Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.
Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.
Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)
Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice.
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Miranda Burski 
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